Changing Moods

Good day today.

However, it started off crappy. I should've got more work done (Ahem... should have got any work done) this weekend, but instead I was in a foul mood all weekend, and sat on my grumpy ass at home for most of it. Saturday night I went out to a Flyers' party, which was a fun time, and I really had hoped that this was going to snap me back to my jolly ol' self, but it did not.

And so the workweek started with a heightened stress level, feeling very far behind on my upcoming deadlines. Fortunately, the day evolved productively, and I made headway on one of my projects. The turning point was really my run later when I ran with JM for the first third and then the usuals, CD and BH, later. I felt like I turned into quite a chatterbox tonight. I usually do, but more so this evening, although I couldn't tell you for the life of me what I talked about. Anyway, the run put me in a good mood and I finished with a little over 7 easy miles under my belt. I had hoped that my run on Saturday would have had a similar result, but with no luck. Funny how sometimes it helps and sometimes not.

Back at home, I changed into workout gear and headed over to the gym, just an avenue away. I was quite pleased by this. Going to the gym was a New Year's resolution that so far I've been able to keep. (OK, I know, we're only 11 days into the new year... but still.) It was a short workout, as they usually are, but it still felt good, and made it all that much more enjoyable when I ended up back home eating chocolate ice cream for dinner.

And if ice cream doesn't appropriately cap off a good day, I don't know what does.

Resolutions 2009

In the last five or ten years, I've been pretty big on New Year's resolutions. I normally come up with 3-5 solid ones. Sometimes they pertain to my diet, sometimes running, and sometimes they just involve one single action that I've put off for a long time.

This year has been a toughie. I've asked people for opinions about resolutions and nothing's ringing my bell. Oh, and by the way, I'm not a stickler for resolutions starting at the stroke of midnight January 1st. I figure even if you come up with one within the first few days after that it's still in the spirit of the point of making a resolution, and a good start to the year in general.

Most of my friends' suggestions involved running: more mileage, setting personal records, etc. But those seem redundant now. I guess the idea behind making a resolution is really to change things for the better, and I made many of those types of resolutions in the past... having been pretty successful, it doesn't make sense to say "more PRs" when I'm always striving for more PRs. I guess a similar comparison would be someone resolving to lose 40 lbs, succeeding, and then the next year resolving to keep the weight off. It's sort of taken for granted.

Anyway, I did resolve to go to the gym at least twice a week. I bought a membership at NYSC at the end of September, and in the following 3 months I only went about 6-8 times, I think. So that was one. Any other ones I tried to make, seemed pretty weak.

Then Friday happened.

I can't really say what happened, but suffice to say I made a promise to someone to do something very important and I didn't follow through. I can't really say it because it's just too embarrassing, and if I did, none of you would ever trust me with anything ever again. I wish I could characterize it as just a slip up or a minor mistake, but it was a doozy, and I'm still trying to think of ways that I might make it up to the friend(s) that I let down so terribly.

The thing is, though, I've been beating myself up over this since Friday. It really ruined my weekend. I know that the punishment should probably fit the crime, but maybe I'm taking it a bit too far.

Most people who know me well say I'm too hard on myself. This seems to apply a great many things including dating, personal abilities and talents, and in this case, mistakes I've made. Some of my closest friends through the years, MM, NF, AR, and DM, have told me that a lot. This includes running, too. I was so disappointed with my Philadelphia Marathon time at the end of November, and it took a friend of mine to open my eyes by saying, "A bad day for you is still a Boston qualifier." I realized that I was going overboard on my high expectations for myself.

So my resolution this year is going to be to take it a little easier on myself. This sort of goes against my whole "quantifiable" rule, but too bad. I just need to relax a little, and maybe the quantifiable rule needs to go in this case. If nothing else, this is at least a starting point for me, and maybe I'll figure out how to quantify it as I go on.

Don't get me wrong - I'm still going to try to make up for my wrong-doing. These are good friends and I'd hate to lose them over doing one stupid thing, so I need to work at reinvesting in that relationship to regain their trust. However, there's definitely no reason to beat myself up over it. What's done is done and it's better to move ahead with the experience and hopefully never do it again.

And for my own personal sanity, I'll try to take it easy on the running expectations. And then maybe I'll try to get a date... someday.

But first, it's off to the gym...

Happy New Year.

I knocked at Dex's door and waited.

This was the third time I tried to drop off his card for him at his apartment over the course of the holiday season, and for the first time I heard footsteps approach the door and it unlatched. At least this time he wore boxers instead of briefs, unlike the first time. He thanked me enthusiastically for the card while I caught myself staring at the eagle on his chest for an inappropriately long time. He invited me in, but this time I had the presence of mine to decline, telling him I had somewhere else to go. I wished him belated happy holidays and a good new year, and left him with the card containing some twenty dollar bills. It wasn't much, but it was what I could afford and probably fair for the service he offered as the building super.

I wasn't lying when I told him I had to go. I popped back down into my apartment and changed into running gear, checking the temperature and then my handy What-to-Wear chart. It was 24°F, and I hadn't run in weather like that since the Philly Marathon, nearly six weeks ago. Full gear - jacket, hat, pants, mid-layer, etc., for tonight. Off I went for the group run.

However, the group run turned out to be just me and PB&J, the group leader. We guessed most people were still recovering from New Year's Eve the night before, or just thought it too cold out. We ran and chatted, mostly about the night before.

On the 30th, PB&J had started an e-mail chain for people that had nothing to do on New Year's. He had collected a handful of Flyers and offered his apartment if anyone wanted to swing by for a beer to celebrate a very Low Key New Year. There ended up being about ten of us there and it was good to hang out, chat and reflect on what most agreed was a dreadful '08 and share our hopes and resolutions for the coming '09 over many drinks and tasty munchies. I was really tired and finally left right after watching the west coast celebrated at 3 AM, but I found myself back at the same apartment at 3:30, having forgotten my cell phone. I was chastised for leaving so quickly and forced to have another drink before leaving the group 45 minutes later. These are some good friends indeed.

Unfortunately, I paid for all those drinks with a mild hangover this morning. It was weird - I couldn't remember the last time I was hungover. I tried not to regret my decision to drink so much, as I usually would, but instead took it as a sign that I just lost track of time while enjoying myself among friends. I was suposed to head to Coney Island to celebrate a friend's birthday, but called him and bailed instead, promising him a dinner in the future. Even after my headache subsided, I stayed cozy in bed well into the afternoon on this cold first day of '09.

Hanging with friends, getting in some well-deserved rest, and running a few chilly miles. It was a good start to 2009. What more could I ask for?