Resolutions 2009

In the last five or ten years, I've been pretty big on New Year's resolutions. I normally come up with 3-5 solid ones. Sometimes they pertain to my diet, sometimes running, and sometimes they just involve one single action that I've put off for a long time.

This year has been a toughie. I've asked people for opinions about resolutions and nothing's ringing my bell. Oh, and by the way, I'm not a stickler for resolutions starting at the stroke of midnight January 1st. I figure even if you come up with one within the first few days after that it's still in the spirit of the point of making a resolution, and a good start to the year in general.

Most of my friends' suggestions involved running: more mileage, setting personal records, etc. But those seem redundant now. I guess the idea behind making a resolution is really to change things for the better, and I made many of those types of resolutions in the past... having been pretty successful, it doesn't make sense to say "more PRs" when I'm always striving for more PRs. I guess a similar comparison would be someone resolving to lose 40 lbs, succeeding, and then the next year resolving to keep the weight off. It's sort of taken for granted.

Anyway, I did resolve to go to the gym at least twice a week. I bought a membership at NYSC at the end of September, and in the following 3 months I only went about 6-8 times, I think. So that was one. Any other ones I tried to make, seemed pretty weak.

Then Friday happened.

I can't really say what happened, but suffice to say I made a promise to someone to do something very important and I didn't follow through. I can't really say it because it's just too embarrassing, and if I did, none of you would ever trust me with anything ever again. I wish I could characterize it as just a slip up or a minor mistake, but it was a doozy, and I'm still trying to think of ways that I might make it up to the friend(s) that I let down so terribly.

The thing is, though, I've been beating myself up over this since Friday. It really ruined my weekend. I know that the punishment should probably fit the crime, but maybe I'm taking it a bit too far.

Most people who know me well say I'm too hard on myself. This seems to apply a great many things including dating, personal abilities and talents, and in this case, mistakes I've made. Some of my closest friends through the years, MM, NF, AR, and DM, have told me that a lot. This includes running, too. I was so disappointed with my Philadelphia Marathon time at the end of November, and it took a friend of mine to open my eyes by saying, "A bad day for you is still a Boston qualifier." I realized that I was going overboard on my high expectations for myself.

So my resolution this year is going to be to take it a little easier on myself. This sort of goes against my whole "quantifiable" rule, but too bad. I just need to relax a little, and maybe the quantifiable rule needs to go in this case. If nothing else, this is at least a starting point for me, and maybe I'll figure out how to quantify it as I go on.

Don't get me wrong - I'm still going to try to make up for my wrong-doing. These are good friends and I'd hate to lose them over doing one stupid thing, so I need to work at reinvesting in that relationship to regain their trust. However, there's definitely no reason to beat myself up over it. What's done is done and it's better to move ahead with the experience and hopefully never do it again.

And for my own personal sanity, I'll try to take it easy on the running expectations. And then maybe I'll try to get a date... someday.

But first, it's off to the gym...